No privacy with Asian parents


Privacy. Something you don’t necessarily get as a first generation child of two Asian parents. At any time they can come in and say whatever they want to you.

In my situation, my mom comes into my room whenever she feels like it. Being 22 years old, I’ve told her numerous times to please respect my privacy. Little do I realize that in this culture, if you live under their roof, you live under their rules. Nothing really belongs to you – you are owned by them, and must follow everything they say.

It gets to the point where she makes me feel bad about myself for wanting that privacy.  Being a first generation child in North America – I get it. We were raised differently. While each of you emerged from poverty, I was raised with everything I could ever ask for. Food, shelter, an education… I have nothing to worry about. As parents, you wish to give everything to your child that you never had. A university degree and an amazing career are two of the many things that are on her list.

Although, I feel as though in my mom’s own pride that she forgets that I am a person too – with my own mind, my own goals and my own aspirations for the future. I feel as though she has focused too much on what she wants, that she forgets what makes me happy.

Number one on my list is just privacy. I need a place I can call home, where I don’t have to fake being happy. Where I can come home and just shut the world out to recollect my energy for the next day. The place I’m in right now is a toxic environment where I’m told how to dress, how to eat, and how to arrange my room. It’s getting to the point that I can’t handle it anymore. The worst part? My parents have gotten mad at me numerous times for wanting to move out.

Tomorrow I plan on putting a lock on my door – this will strike some controversy. They already think that I’m selfish… might as well do it. Hopefully it’ll end smoothly. I feel as though the only option is to move out. With one year left in university, I’m counting out the days until I’m able to finally have a place I call home.



One thought on “No privacy with Asian parents

  1. Like you, my parents were adamant that I did not move out when I went to university. They would not hear of it. In the end, I made the decision to stay at home which made sense because it would mean I saved on rent. Historically in Chinese cultures, many lived in closed quarters and even today, small flats are becoming the norm for families to live in in many cities in Asia. Privacy can feel non-existent in such spaces. But what can you do but put up with it.


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